I just came "home" from UW hospital. I'm so glad we rented a vacation house, as it's comforting to be in a house setting.
I am physically sore. I feel like I've been hit by a Mac truck. My chest looks deformed and mutilated. I'm emotionally exhausted and feeling weak. It's taking every ounce of strength I have to not curl up into a fetal position and just cry and cry. The enormity of the loss is overwhelming. Great. As I'm typing this I'm starting to cry. So much for that idea.
Why did there have to be cancer in the lymph nodes? I kept holding on to the hope that this wouldn't be the case. But I seem to keep falling into the wrong side of the odds at almost every turn in this journey. I'm really scared about what might happen next. When I think of my life, I see myself living a long, productive life. Cancer isn't part of that plan.
Tomorrow we will start driving back to Montana. We will stay in Spokane tomorrow night and break the trip into 2 days.
My support team has been amazing. Brett is so kind. Gracie is so sweet and put up decorations in my room. And Aunt Carol is our "Ace in the Hole." She knows just what to do and is writing down everything that happens because I can't remember anything the doctors and nurses tell me.
This is all I can write for today. We will be home in Bozeman on Sunday night. So perhaps I will have more news on Monday.
Love,
Susan
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