Zombie

Chemo is done. Finally.

If I am lucky, last Thursday is the last chemo I will ever have to endure. On Wednesday, some girlfriends delivered dinner and we shared a toast of red wine to celebrate. On Thursday my chemo buddy was a dear friend from Dillon and my Great Harvest days. It was great to spend some time reconnecting with her. At the end of the chemo session, all of the staff at the cancer center serenaded me with a song and handed me a balloon.

My in-laws know me well and sent along some lovely flowers and chocolate treats. Thanks everybody for your love and support.

When I would think ahead to this day, I imagined myself crying, cheering, shouting, and expressing all sorts of happy emotion. But the opposite seems to be true. All three of us spent most of this weekend shuffling around the house like zombies... with blank stares and low energy.

The best analogy I have is that of a POW. Photos of prisoners recently liberated from camps during the war show people with blank expressions. You would think they would be cheering their liberators, but really all they can do is stare and wonder what is happening.

Let's be clear; my situation is nothing like what those people experienced. But I certainly can relate.

This weekend was a Jammie Weekend. On Saturday it was clear that we were desperately low on toilet paper. Brett and I looked at each other and and decided it wasn't worth going to the store to get it. By a miracle, we made it to the store on Sunday to re-stock the Charmin. We spent Sunday afternoon at Barnes and Noble in a daze, looking at magazines. Grace stayed in her pajamas all day, even at the bookstore.

I think this new reality will start to sink in next Thursday when I don't have to go in for another treatment. Until then, I'm easing back into what I remember "normal" life to be.

Mosh Pit of Love

Assembling our gingerbread house


It's Monday morning, the sun has come out, and life continues to move along. In only 3 days I will sit for my last chemo and my excitement is starting to build.

I'm looking forward to looking back. After my last post, I wondered if that was even possible.

But I'm feeling a lot better than last week. My body found some hidden reserve somewhere and perked up. I'm feeling a second wind coming on just as I near the finish line.

Friday night I made it to the gingerbread house decorating event at Grace's school. I spent Saturday shopping and even went to the downtown Christmas stroll in the evening. On Sunday Brett and Grace went sledding while I went to the library, then we all went out to a coffee shop for hot drinks and snacks. Sunday afternoon I helped Grace organize her room, and then we had a lovely visit with friends. All in all, it's just amazing that I was able to do so much over the weekend.

A big thank you to everyone. After I was so down and defeated last week, so many people took the time to write or call and encourage me to keep on going. I really, really believe that this has made the difference for me and has given me that extra bit of strength when I needed it the most.

This whole experience has been like body surfing the mosh pit at a rock concert. It's because so many people are holding me up that I don't crash to the floor. I know that people worry when someone gets sick. They wonder what they can do and they think their little thing isn't that much. But when it all adds together, it's powerful. Calls, cards, dinner, visits, and emails all add up to what I call "The Mosh Pit of Love."

So thank you for letting me ride this wave.