Introduction to Beautiful and Strong

I thought I would write a proper introduction to my blog; something like a Grand Opening or a manifesto.

When I first shared my diagnosis, several friends recommended the CaringBridge website as a way to post how I was doing. The first thought that ran through my mind was "CaringBridge is for sick people! And that's not me!" I decided a blog was better. Because I believe that this will be a bump in the road for me. In 30 or 40 years I will look back on 2010 and think, "Boy, that was a very difficult time." I wanted to create a place to update friends and family on my adventures and expeditions for the years to come. I wanted a place that will still be here once cancer is a long-gone memory in my life. I don't want an illness to be the defining feature of my communication.

The name "Beautiful and Strong" comes from my husband, Brett. Every morning before Grace goes off to school he asks her, "What are you going to be today, Grace?" And she says, "Beautiful and strong, Daddy!" just like he taught her. And when he picks her up from school he always asks her to name the specific things she did that were beautiful and strong. So I'm borrowing the phrase from a good source.

Writing a blog is new for me. I'm not used to publicly broadcasting my thoughts and feelings to the world at large. I tend to be a more private person, and the internet-age trend of divulging every emotional up and down seems a bit tacky to me.

But I have realized a few things lately. First, our little family can't do this alone. We need help. And people won't know what we need unless we say something. Secondly, I have gained a lot of strength and courage from the love and encouragement everyone has sent my way over the past couple of weeks. Being able to admit weakness and celebrate triumph with everyone as a group means I am not isolated and don't have to do this alone. So thank you for letting me do this.

I plan to use this blog not only as a source of communication, but as an emotional outlet. Most of the time, things will probably be on a very normal, even keel. But I am sure there will be times of raw revelation. Have faith that these times are a normal part of life. You don't need to fix them. And probably within a few days I will have regained my equilibrium. I can't spend too much of my time worrying about who I might offend with random swear words or momentary lapses in faith. So feel free not to read this blog if something I write makes you feel uncomfortable.

Also, this is fairly personal stuff. I envision my audience to be close friends and family who want to know what's going on. I would prefer it not be forwarded to a large audience of people who don't know me. If you have put me on a prayer list, please, please do not send this blog link to them. I do not want to hear from your Great Aunt Mildred in Ft. Lauderdale, whom I have never met. Only people who know me as a flesh and blood person should be reading this. Thanks for understanding.

Of course, the obvious "personal stuff" that I'm talking about here are my breasts. It will be impossible to write about breast cancer without talking about them. Great. Could it be any more intimate and vulnerable? I remember when I was 16 and my grandma checked out my chest and commented how much I had grown since last year. I was mortified. So posting this in an online forum has that same feeling. I don't mean to embarrass anyone, but there's no way around it. I have put some thought into this and have decided that if my openness leads to early detection and positive outcomes for my younger cousins, my friends, and my daughter, then I will choose to talk about it rather than be quiet.

One request: I welcome your prayers and am very thankful for them. But please do not post typed prayers here or on Facebook as it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Everyone is different, but for me, faith is a very quiet and personal thing and not something I care to make public. Thanks.

This will probably be the last time I link the blog to my Facebook page, as FB feels like too public of a forum for this stuff. Instead, I will create posts here without sending out a notice. It may take me some time to figure out the best way to do this, so bear with me.

If you've read this all the way to the end, thanks for staying with me. It's going to be quite a ride.
Be beautiful and strong.

Love,
Susan